Crankymurph's Blog

Tupac Shakur fakes death. Spotted at Chick-fil-A.

2009-12-12T19:12:00.000-08:00

Yesterday I saw Tupac at the Chick-Fil-A in Raleigh chillin with his homies. Luckily I had my camera with me. The rumors are true, Tupac faked his death and has been hiding out around Raleigh, NC.

Time to go

2009-05-19T15:38:00.000-07:00

20 years ago I got up in the middle of dinner, told my wife I had to use the restroom, walked out the kitchen door, took a taxi to SFO and spent the following 5 years drunk inside a bar in Barcelona. Why'd I do it? I can't remember but it was the best five years of my life until they threw me in the slammer for impersonating a Spanish police officer.
"Stop ranting!", my wife used to say and that's why I left her. She just couldn't tolerate all the experience and knowledge I fed her on a minute to minute basis. Where's is she now? I don't know but I shared an 8 by 8 cell with a Italian communist who smelled like cheese. He used to sing ridiculous songs about fishermen lost at sea until you wanted to reach inside your ears and pull your drums out.
When I released from prison the first thing I did was to go visit my wife in Needles to tell her why I left all those years ago. She said she was happy to see me invited me in and said she didn't care that I had left, because I was a bastard. I felt a sense a relief followed by a sense of pain as she hit me over the head with corning ware pot. When I woke up in the desert somewhere on the outskirts of needles I knew it was true that when they say you can never go back you can never go back.
I told my 4th wife I'd never leave her and she left me. So what does all this mean? I don't know but in love you can never be certain of anything but uncertainty.

My video resume experience

2008-02-04T17:34:00.000-08:00

The other day I was watching TV while I was drinking my Metamucil. There I was watching the View. You know you can only watch the View so many times before you want to shoot yourself in the head with a pistol. It was at that moment that I decided to get off my old ass and get back in the workforce. My old friend Elmer P. Widmore told me about this new website Startupers.com where you can post a TV resume. It sounded like a swell idea, so I told my wife to get me my camera, but then I remembered my wife left me 15 years ago with the UPS man. Anyway a few friends came over with one of them there webcams and we shot a nifty little video.
I called the webcompany Startupers.com and the nice lady on the phone helped me to put together my tv video resume page with links to my other social pages or some sort of crap like that.
They asked me to say that.
So far, I haven't heard from nobody....so it's back to watching the view and blowin my brains out. Murph